Below are the 20 most recent journal entries recorded in ashleyisawesome's LiveJournal:

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Sunday, July 2nd, 2006
12:58 am	NEW LIVEJOURNAL LADIES AND GENTS http://nosuitcase.livejournal.com/ thisoneisoldlameandimoverit (Comment on this)
Thursday, June 29th, 2006
6:46 pm	i dont like what im becoming. i dont like what im doing. i dont like how im feeling. i feel like i should just say its over before someone else does. before it becomes too big. i dont want to. but. i dont want the things i am right now either. and. i dont want to get hurt. but. if i do say it's over... would that really change anything about myself? or would i merely be changing up the scenery some? only to interrupt the same scene later on. only. with another character. in a slightly different play. i guess i can run from scene to scene. making costume change from costume change. reciting lines with character to character. but. it wont matter. because. even with all the set changes. under all the make up. beneath all the costumes. and no matter what line i speak. i'm still the same character. and this character is trying to grow. (and it is) and trying to learn. (and it is) but. it takes time. and my character doesn't want time. it wants progress. happiness. it wants to pretend that life is nothing more than a moulin rouge. it justs wants to learn the greatest thing one can learn (as Toulouse-Lautrec so stated): "just to love and be loved in return." im trying. im growing. i dont want to run away anymore. i dont want to chase anymore. i just want to be. and thats all. but. but. but. but. funny. in acting we're taught that the hardest thing for a performer to do is just be. to tell someone to sit onstage. to not act, but be themself. to pretend they are alone in their room. or to merely walk through a door and to a window. its the hardest thing for even the greatest of actors. because. youre not acting. you dont have a character to hide behind. youre completely exposed. naked in a crowded room. but. maybe if we all quit acting and hiding behinf our facades. then we could see each other. really see each other. and truly love SO. i'm trying and learning and trying to learn how to just be. ps. PMS is not awesome. and. sometimes i wish it were seen as a valid excuse for things. is it? i dont know. plain and simple as that. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, June 27th, 2006
12:38 pm	oh sigh Start spreading the news I'm leaving today I want to be a part of it, New York, New York These vagabond shoes Are longing to stray And make a brand new start of it New York, New York I want to wake up in the city that never sleeps To find I'm king of the hill, top of the heap These little town blues Are melting away I'll make a brand new start of it In old New York If I can make it there I'll make it anywhere It's up to you, New York, New York. Current Mood: restless (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 21st, 2006
8:17 pm	drinking with buddha ( non western art is beautiful... i meant to clean... but then i indulged ( =( ) in some vodka and starting reading about buddhism... :  ) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, June 17th, 2006
1:34 am	SO.... guess who just got mugged at gun point.... yep. (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Thursday, June 15th, 2006
1:27 pm	maybe i am just in between and meantime. idk (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Wednesday, June 7th, 2006
10:53 am	- woke up afraid my car had been towed. + car was safe - vagina bleeding all over the place + moving into apartment + furniture IN + running into allysonebooloff -/+ buying paint/painting - english papers - wondering if the fox was hunted merely for its fur or if perhaps there is something more to it. Current Music: ...Baby you're adorable. (Comment on this)
Tuesday, May 30th, 2006
1:47 pm	Oh Memorial Day and things... + swimming/ playing on rocks at Belle Isle - cutting my foot on a rock + the profuse bleeding looked kind of cool + 4th st. diner + wine, beer, and good company + peaceful sleep next to someone nice + waking up next to said nice person + skipping out on work today (hey they promised me a long weekend by giving me friday off and then had me come in on sunday to work 15 hours. so there. ) - offering to work tomorrow even though I usually have Wednesday off + nice facebook messages - missing people - english hw + move into apartment soon + got permission to paint apartment - $$$ for paint +++ now it is 2 o'clock <3 (Comment on this)
Friday, May 26th, 2006
12:22 am	could i be any more emo in this moment... i think not. like i always say - ... living life as a gamma may not be too terrible. .... right now i feel like a bad weight on whatever scale it is that balances the universe. without bad, no good right? some weights soar and fly merrily through life untouched, and others stay grounded and do the best they can to overcome whatever horrible things are thrown their way... sometimes these bad weights can soar on happiness... but eventually their strings are cut and whatever force was holding those strings.. whatever cut them... laughs.. and the bad weight crashes to the ground, shatters, and tries to piece itself back together until that asshole of a force lifts them up again on false hopes and imaginary happiness and another cruel joke is played. i keep hearing that happiness is a choice. i suppose it is... but... i;m doing my best to stroll through life peacefully, but no matter where i go or where i turn, there is some ugly monster taking up space in my path. or some brick wall that i inevitably run into. don't get me wrong.. there has been some good in my life, but i;ve noticed that for the most part it usually takes something awful to cause any of that good. and usually the bad still outweighs whatever small good is brought. i'm an extraordinarily unlucky person and perhaps i am destined to wander alone. which.. i mean.. is fine with me... i love alone time. i just wish that life or karma or whatever would quit pulling my leg by sending me false hopes of warmth or care. if i;m meant to be alone... then just leave me be... no need to pour salt into the wounds. maybe this is all just pms. maybe i'm depressed. maybe i'm bitter about a life spent doing my best to care for others and never having the favor returned. or maybe, as rilo kiley (yeah... the emo-est livejournal entry of all time, right?) so gracefully put it : ".... and i say there's trouble when everything is fine. the need to destroy things creeps up on me everytime. and just as love's sillhouette appears i close my eyes and disappear tonight" sigh. i'm sure i'll feel better in the morning and realize just how ridiculous this entry is... but for now... i'm not feelin' so joyous OK Current Mood: pessimistic (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, May 24th, 2006
12:04 pm	why do i keep having dreams involving the guy from tales from the crypt and poltergeists? oh and also there is usually alcohol and lots of running away/dying. but in the end we all end up friends. (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Friday, May 5th, 2006
7:30 pm	UPDATE so i am now working as a seamtress/painter/event decorator yay jobs (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Monday, May 1st, 2006
5:39 pm	<3 If you read the front page story of the SF Chronicle on Thursday, Dec 14, 2005, you would have read about a female humpback whale who had become entangled in a spider web of crab traps and lines. She was weighted down by hundreds of pounds of traps that caused her to struggle to stay afloat. She also had hundreds of yards of line rope wrapped around her body, her tail, her torso and a line in her mouth. A fisherman spotted her just east of the Farralone Islands (outside the Golden Gate) and radioed an environmental group for help. Within a few hours, the rescue team arrived and determined that she was so badly off that they must act immediately. The only way to save her was to dive in and untangle her, a very dangerous proposition. Just one slap of the tail could kill a rescuer. They worked for hours with curved knives and eventually she was freed. When she was free, the divers say she swam in what seemed like joyous circles. She then came back to each and every diver, one at a time, and nudged them, pushed them gently around, she was thanking them.. Some said it was the most incredibly beautiful experience of their lives. The guy who cut the rope out of her mouth says her eyes were following him the whole time, and he will never be the same. -snopes.com (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 25th, 2006
10:40 am	just for kicks so yesterday i had two papers due, today i have auditions for the two mainstages next semester, my final in costuming, rehearsal for a show that goes up friday... i need to start working on two acting papers, two osbervation journals, prepare what i'm gonna do for the last day of class (we had to observe an assigned person all semester and now be them for the last day of class), work on my life scene for acting (it's grade = most of final grade)... after that all i have is my intro to drama exam which is three hours long. ... also... looking for a job... got a semi-job on some weekends that entails me being a princess and making balloon animals/face painting. staying here over the summer taking two art histories, an english, drama class, and tap dancing. oh yeah.. and i'm going to greece next winter break. .. can say a few things including (but not limited to) good morning,what is your name, and house in greek <3 (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, April 18th, 2006
1:58 pm	..officially on a misson also.. she really does resemble Templeton... the rat from Charlotte's Web. Current Mood: mischievous (Comment on this)
Thursday, March 9th, 2006
6:42 pm	basically... dont delay going to the doctor ever. 4 prescriptions, an inflamed rib that won't heal for about 6 months,and the possibility of developing asthma later ... i've learned my lesson. in better news though : I GOT AN APARTMENT and a bobik ;) (3 Comments |Comment on this)
Tuesday, February 28th, 2006
10:32 am	Well.... i was going to do laundry today... BUT NOW I HAVE NO FUCKING QUARTERS.... thank you. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Saturday, February 25th, 2006
4:41 pm	Sorry I’m not home right now I’m walking into spiderwebs... (1 Comment |Comment on this)
Thursday, February 9th, 2006
8:25 pm	OH JESUS Aries: You're determined to receive the most cards, candy and flowers. Who says sending roses to yourself doesn't count? Taurus: A bouquet of dandelions, dime store chocolates and dinner at a fast food restaurant? Relax, it was just a bad dream! Gemini: You make two dates for the night -- and then backup plans with your friends in case you decide to flake on your original plans. Cancer: Ooh, there's nothing like candy heart art and lace doilies to get you going! Martha Stewart's got nothing on you. Leo: You are displeased by the single red rose some admirer left on your windshield. Clearly you are worth at least a dozen! Virgo: You refuse to share the box of chocolates you receive -- what if someone fingers them? What if someone sneezes on your roses? Libra: You send valentines to everyone you know: your hairdresser, your fourth grade teacher, your manicurist, your manicurist's cousin … You don't want anyone to feel left out. Scorpio: Why go out for a fancy dinner when you already have dessert waiting at home? Who knew that a Cupid costume could be so sexy? Sagittarius: You can't commit to sending a card -- what if the recipient reads too much into it? You fake temporary amnesia to avoid acknowledging the holiday. Capricorn: Lacy hearts and syrupy sentiments make you sneeze -- besides, nothing says love like a new electronic organizer! Aquarius: Manufactured holidays aren't your cup of decaffeinated herbal tea, but consuming a few vegan chocolates doesn't make you a conformist, does it? Pisces: You live for this stuff! The world would be such a better place if we could all just hold hands and share heart-shaped cookies every day. (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, February 1st, 2006
1:39 pm	... a canadian secret agent.... YESSS (2 Comments |Comment on this)
Wednesday, January 25th, 2006
5:29 pm	so here's the plan : this weekend i'm auditioning for summer work at king's dominion. they have weekend/ saturday only positions available AND it's only 30 mins away from richmond so i can still take classes over the summer. PLUS.. it's like $500 a week + EQUITY POINTS woooo... and it's also something to put on my resume. YES. also... got another part in another play. i'm the lead who also happens to be a secret agent. woo HOO!! <3<3<3 (6 Comments |Comment on this)